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| Go To Responses | Good read for parents Posted By: soccerfan On 9/30/2009 10:20:29 AM After reading the post by soccerfun,an 11 year old girl who is only getting to play 5 min. a half on her first travel team, I thought it would be good to share with parents a good book I read by Dr. Joel Fish called "Good Sports Parent". Some particularly interesting chapters that parents and coaches may want to read that describes something I have observed that can result from a child getting minimal playtime includes "How to tell if your child is trying to opt out of competition". Dr. Fish writes "Because young athletes often believe that "No one likes a quitter," children will sometimes fake an injury or develop physical ailments to avoid being judged by their teammates, coach, and parents. Some children will also pretend they are hurt if they worry that their parent will be upset if they want to opt out of a sport. While I strongly advocate erring on the side of caution when a child has a physical complaint, sports parents do need to know that injury remains the socially acceptable way to opt out of competition. In my work as a sports camp consultant, I see this behavior quite frequently. One boy begged off to the infirmary complaining of a sore leg every time there was a high-pressure basketball game but the rest of the time he was fine and willing and able to play." I wonder--do parents and coaches realize that sometimes they place so much emphasis on children participating in sports that they actually drive their kids to fake injuries??? This also has to make the kids feel as if they are not valued by their parents as people, not valued unless they compete. How desparate a child must feel to resort to this! Keep this in mind coaches, when you sit little johnnie out for all but 5 minutes of a game! And parents, be careful about allowing your child to be in that situation. Also--make sure they are competing at a level that is appropriate for their skill level so that they don't have feelings of inadequacy and they don't feel as if they are in over their heads!! Another intereting chapter deals with when it is okay to allow your children to quit a team (or maybe just change teams). These include: · Is being mistreated or abused by a coach or teammates · Feels too much competitive stress or pressure to win · Can't put in the time without having schoolwork suffer · Feels embarrassed or shamed by his or her lack of skill / Is injured or is in danger of injury, and *Practices hard but can't catch on to the game *Isn't getting enough playing time * Gives the sport his best shot, but simply doesn't enjoy the game I found the book very interesting--although sometimes it is difficult to read when you realize the parent Dr. Fish is describing is you. But, we can all learn from our mistakes and try to become better coaches and parents. I think one of the most important things we can teach our kids while they are in the midst of competitive sports is that we love them for all of who they are, not just the "soccer player" in them. Sometimes us parents get so caught up in sports that we make our children feel like it is the number one priority----and it shouldn't be! | 17 | 10/5/2009 8:38:25 AM |